The Pea Conspiracy
by Rally Collins
Summary: Take one heirloom pearl, about thirty princesses, one prince, two meddling siblings and the test from the Princess and the Pea and ask can it really be called a test if everyone involved is cheating? 2x5 shounenai
1. Princesses, Princesses and More Princess

Author: Rally  
Date: December 10, 2007

Disclaimer: All Gundam Wing references and characters belong to Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Bandai. As far as I know, the Princess and the Pea is fair game for writing fodder and aside from that, this story is barely based on it.

A/N: As this story is a Christmas present for Ladybug Oblivion, I let her pick the scenario. She wanted "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads, she gets "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads.

**The Pea Conspiracy**  
-Princesses, Princesses and More Princesses-

Prince Quatre, Heir Tertiary to the Throne of Peacemillion, allowed himself the luxury of a minute yawn as he leaned ever so slightly to each side in an attempt to stretch out his aching back muscles. He calculated that the risk of being caught doing something so uncouth was next to nil, as all eyes were riveted toward the front of the throne room, specifically on the figure of his elder brother, Heir Primus Prince Duo.

"Bored?" came a nearly inaudible whisper from his left.

He smiled. Of course, if he were caught, his twin would be the one to do it. "Bored hardly describes the abject level of tedious dullness that I'm currently enduring."

She gave the merest hint of a laugh. "Don't use big words, Little Brother. They don't suit your innocent looks."

Quatre did his best not to snort. The girl was only four minutes older although she insisted on treating him as if those four minutes were years. "So sorry, Dear Sister. Perhaps I should start responding to your questions with 'goo goo ga ga'?"

"Good boy." Alright, so Relena treating him like a child was still marginally better than Relena treating him like a dog.

"This is ridiculous. Duo's been of age for nine months. How can no worthy bride be found in nine months of searching?"

The conversation paused as the twenty-third prospective bride of month number nine was introduced. This one went by the name of Amelia Mignonette Thermopolis Renaldi of Genovia. She was about sixteen, with light brown hair, skin as light as cream and she wore the most sincere smile Quatre had seen all night. When the herald proceeded to list her lineage, the prince allowed his attention to return to his sister.

"What's wrong with him?"

"I'm not sure I follow," replied Relena, her tone suggesting that she followed just fine and was only milking her little brother for amusement.

"I said, what's wrong with Duo? Princess Amelia looks like a happy, fun person to be around." He gestured to the princess in question and then to his brother. "And Duo's not paying her any attention at all. I'd bet my left arm that he's _sleeping_ up there."

"But his eyes are open," protested Relena.

"When has that ever come between Duo and a nap?"

"That's a point," she conceded.

They paused again for the next introduction. Princess Garnet Brahne ap Alexandria was dark headed, dark eyed and fair of skin. Her well-practiced smile gleamed with kindness as she introduced herself, curtseying low to her potential husband-to-be. Duo didn't even twitch.

"Now, that's just rude. He _has_ to be sleeping."

"You're just jealous that he's in the generously upholstered throne and is able to fall asleep when you're stuck standing for hours on the drafty sidelines, aching with fatigue."

"Damn straight!"

"Quatre! Shameful!" she admonished without any fire behind it.

"What, sister mine? I learned it from you."

"Well, that's true, but I never use vulgarity in public."

Number twenty-five was up. The pixie of a girl was introduced as Scarlet Alora Tears, fourth heir to the throne of Tears. The enormous deep-blue eyes were the first feature Quatre noticed on the pretty young thing. The next was a wave of raven hair falling down to the middle of her back and the only adjective that he could place on her smile was "delicate."

"Shinigami's Burning Scythe! How could he ignore someone as cute as that?"

Relena chuckled. "Don't tell me you're in looove?"

"Please. This is about Duo, not me."

"Maybe Duo doesn't go for princesses?"

"It's not like he has a choice in that matter."

"Look on the bright side, there's only one more left."

"Until next month."

"True."

Quatre felt a sense of dread descend and it took him only a second to realize that the dread had nothing to do with next month's ceremony and everything to do with Relena. "You're being awful agreeable today. What's going on with you?" Relena remained silent. "Relena?" Still nothing. "Tell me or I'll let it slip to Duo who 'accidentally' turned his black mare into a bleach blonde."

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me."

There was a moment of silence and then, "Okay. Heero's training camp is over and he's due back tomorrow morning."

"Heero?" Quatre asked, resisting an almost overwhelming need to roll his eyes. "'Lena, the guy doesn't know you exist."

"He does too," she protested without conviction. "I'm the princess."

Sometimes his twin could be so dense. "Knowing that the princess exists and knowing that you, the person, exist are two different things, Relena."

"Oh, hush," she said mildly. "I'm sixteen and in the crush of my First True Love. Give me my moment." Okay, maybe she wasn't as slow as he gave her credit for. She'd upgraded herself from slug to tortoise.

"Hmm... What's this?"

The question brought his concentration back to the audience floor, where four exotically beautiful men were carrying a gold and red silk bedecked litter. They brought it to the exact center of the floor and set it down with extreme care. A man following the litter-bearers gently brushed King Howard's herald aside. The man stepped forward, bowing first to King Howard, second to Prince Duo and third to the curtained litter. He then slipped open the sheer silk to reveal the most beautiful woman Quatre had ever laid eyes on. Her skin was porcelain, her slanted eyes like polished onyx, her lips as red as blood and despite the fact that she wore no expression at all the entire assemblage held a collective breath either in awe of her beauty or in appreciation of her wealth. Upon her head she wore an ornate gold and jewel headdress that was probably worth more than the entire kingdom of Peacemillion and that didn't even get into the rest of her outfit. She was _swimming_ in silk and jewels.

The man spoke in a clear, though slightly accented, voice. "The empire of Shenlong presents to you, Prince Duo, Heir Primus to the Throne of Peacemillion, Meiran, ninth daughter of Chang Xu."

And Duo proved that he'd been awake through the entire proceedings by rising and granting Princess Meiran a full court bow.

"I think Duo dear has made his choice, Little Brother, whether he'll agree with me or not." Quatre had to leave that cryptic statement without comment as King Howard rose and addressed the audience with a pre-practiced speech.

To be continued...


	2. Who's the Lucky Girl Again?

Author: Rally  
E-mail: December 20, 2007

Disclaimer: All Gundam Wing references and characters belong to Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Bandai. As far as I know, the Princess and the Pea is fair game for writing fodder and aside from that, this story is barely based on it.

A/N: As this story is a Christmas present for Ladybug Oblivion, I let her pick the scenario. She wanted "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads, she gets "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads.

The Pea Conspiracy  
Who's The Lucky Girl Again? 

Relena slipped out of the evening's festivities early. Now, that someone had _finally_ caught Duo's interest, she was going to make sure that the wedding happened. Despite her relaxed responses to her brother, she was just as frustrated by the nine-month situation as he was. It wasn't healthy for the King, it wasn't healthy for Duo, it wasn't healthy for the bride-candidates and it most certainly wasn't healthy for the kingdom. The first betrothal ceremony was happily funded. The second, third and fourth were deemed reasonable need and were still within proper means but every ceremony after had King Howard pulling funds from budgets best left alone. A good example of monies that King Howard should _never_ touch would be the dowry of his only daughter. Just an example. That made the official reason for messing with Duo's life.

The unofficial one was a bit harder to place a tag on but it had to do with her need to make sure everyone around her was happy and Duo would be happy if she had to force it down his throat. Which brought her to knocking on the door of the man who was going to help her make the dream possible.

The door was opened to reveal only darkness and a slightly blacker shadow. "Highness?" asked the shadow. Relena smiled and interpreted the question as, "Welcome, Your Highness. It's so good to see you. How have you been? To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

She smiled. "Thanks for the warm greeting. I need your help."

"Help?" Meaning, "Glad to be of service, but I don't work for free."

He was a bit linguistically challenged but he had a real talent for getting whole sentences across in one or two syllables. "You will be rewarded."

"Details?" Right. Time to get down to business.

Relena checked the corridor behind her and smiled. "Do you mind if I come inside? I don't really want to do this in the hall."

The figure took a step back and the door opened just enough to admit the princess passage.

"Thank you," she replied, squinting into the blackness and praying she wasn't going to run into a piece of furniture, trip, fall flat on her face and loose any and all credibility she'd managed to build up with her host. The Mime was an increasingly difficult man to get in the good graces of and though Relena's leverage was pretty much concrete, she still had her dignity to consider.

Her consideration was cut short by a candle flaring to life behind her and her host leading her to a simple wooden chair. He then quickly lit the remaining candles in the room to chase out any lingering night gloom.

The new light revealed that the young man had most likely been woken by Relena's visit, as he was only wearing a pair of drawstring pants and nothing else and the bed that he settled onto was rumpled. He leaned back and fixed her with a stare that somehow gave off the impression that it was only coming from his right eye. "Details?" he repeated.

Since Relena didn't feel any need to remain formal now that the door to the outside world had been closed, she leveled out their gazes by setting her elbows on her knees and resting her chin on her palms. "The first is a bit of reconnaissance. I need you to find out everything there is to know about the Shenlong retinue's herald. I need this information before noon at the latest."

"Part two?"

"To be determined," she admitted, "Based on the recon you gather and the sources I can finish scrounging tonight."

He nodded slightly. "Pay?"

She sat up straight, squared her shoulders and delivered her opening gambit. "One."

He blinked once, slowly. "Five."

Relena held back a smile as she wasn't honestly bargaining and just teasing him. "Two and not a second more."

He was not inclined to play. "Ten and not a second less." He smirked and then added, "Unchaperoned."

Well, damn. He had her there and he had used an entire sentence. She couldn't reasonably say no. "I will agree on the stipulation that there is a part two and it keeps you on retainer if there happens to be a part three. Ten unchaperoned training sessions with my twin brother is much too rich an award for a measly recon job."

"Deal?" He sat up and offered his hand.

Relena accepted the hand, giving it a firm shake. "Sealed."

To be continued...


	3. The Game is On!

Author: Rally  
Date: October 18, 2009

Disclaimer: All Gundam Wing references and characters belong to Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and Bandai. As far as I know, the Princess and the Pea is fair game for writing fodder and aside from that, this story is barely based on it.

A/N: As this story was supposed to have been a Christmas present for Ladybug Oblivion, I let her pick the scenario. She wanted "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads, she gets "The Princess and the Pea" with Duo and Wufei as the leads. Needless to say, I've missed the deadline by ALOT since I started it in '07. I _am_ hoping to finish it for her before this Christmas, though. Here's to motivation! XD

**The Pea Conspiracy**  
- The Game is On -

Duo sat back in his throne and half-listened to the herald drone on about the Bride Candidates duties now that they had been introduced. Basically, it was a long list of rules confining the girl's behavior over the next thirty days. The only reason he was listening at all was because he needed to find out which princess was singled out for the "Test of the Pearl" tonight. Howard's heralds were always so good about singling out test subject number one without allowing the other princesses to feel as if they were being spurned or ignored and the chosen princess, The Princess of Tears, was gently lead to her quarters for the duration.

Now that the ceremony was finally over, Duo had work to do. Specifically, he had to make sure none of the airheaded little twits introduced to him that night proved themselves worthy of becoming his bride. The Tears retinue. That was easy enough. They were on the third floor of the East Wing with direct access to the servant's corridor. Duo wouldn't even have to leave the building.

He retired to his suite, by all appearances, for the evening, simply waited an hour for the rest of the castle to retire and then he slipped on a pitch-colored outfit, tucked his braid down the back of his shirt and slunk silently out into the corridor. The game was on.

There was no way he was going to allow a stupid tradition to chain him to a vapid fame-seeker for the rest of his life. Call him old fashioned, if you will, but he decided long ago that he wanted to marry for love. He'd choose his own wife, thank you very much. There was no way in Hell that he would take the suggestion of an inanimate object.

The tradition was based around the legend of his family's ancient pearl. Yes, the Pearl with a capital P, was a pea-sized black pearl that had been in his family for as long as his family had been in power and it was said to have the power to reveal who should marry the Crown Prince, or King if that were the case. Yes, supposedly, you could put The Pearl under the luxuriously plush mattress of a bride candidate and if she were worthy, she'd wake up with a bruise on her back. Not possible, right? Well, it _had_ been proven generation after generation as worthy brides had been found for every one of Duo's predecessors. Duo's aim tonight was to remove that pain-in-the-ass Pearl from under Princess Scarlet's mattress without waking her or alerting her guards.

Just across the hall from his suite was a painting of the one true god, Shinigami. Behind that painting was a passage leading underground to the East Wing. Duo felt around the edge of the frame for the release device, triggered it and small panel slid open next to the painting. He scrambled inside and made sure the panel was securely latched behind him before turning to make his way down the lightless corridor. It was a journey he'd made a thousand times, even in the complete blackness, and Duo was confident that he could navigate it with no problems at all. That is until he ran directly into a solid mass blocking the passage, a soft, slightly person-like solid mass blocking the passage.

He had the good sense not to scream though the notion _did_ cross his mind and at the time seemed _almost_ acceptable. The choice was taken from him when a hand firmly planted itself over his mouth and a voice came from just inches in front of his face.

"I knew you were up to foul play, Big Brother." Relena? The hand released his mouth. "This is just the first time I managed to catch you in the act." She made a sound that vaguely resembled "eew" and he felt her wipe her hand off on his shirt. "Really, sabotaging the tradition by stealing The Pearl? That was the best you could come up with?"

"Well, er..." was all he could manage. He never imagined he'd get caught and by _Relena_ of all people. How in Shinigami's name did she even _find_ the secret passage?

"Don't talk," Relena ordered. She didn't sound angry, just determined. Duo hated it when his sister was determined about anything. It usually meant problems for either him or Quatre. Or both. "There's no point in making excuses now. You've been caught. The jig is up. But don't worry! Your precious little sister has a plan and if you promise to do _exactly_ what I say, I won't feel obligated to inform Dad about what you've been doing these last nine months. Agreed?"

Howard would kick Duo's ass if he found out what Duo had been doing and then he would probably pick out the worst possible girl for Duo to marry just to spite him. But Relena would do it if she didn't get her way. Duo _knew_ that she would. He also knew that what she wanted he truly, honestly didn't have the power to give it to her. "I already told you, I _can't_ assign Heero as your personal bodyguard. It's not something that's left up to me!"

Relena laughed and patted him on the shoulder. She had freakishly good aim in the total darkness. "I just knew that's what you were going to say." This was how she usually reacted to his protest though she didn't normally find it funny. She grabbed his hand and held on firmly with both of her own. "This isn't about me, you silly boy. It's about _you_."

Duo was hit with a sudden sinking feeling, the kind you might get if you're told that your sickness is terminal and you only have two days left to live. What was she getting him into now?

To be continued...


End file.
